Your very own Superpower to change your life
“In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I’m going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here’s a chance to grow.” Carol Dweck
“You either win or you learn”
There is a saying, “You either win or you learn.”
I don’t know who said it. It gets bandied around a lot. But it’s true…if you believe it.
It’s also true if you believe that you either win or you lose.
It’s really about perspective.
Re-framing requires a conscious decision on what you want, and why you want it.
This is the lesson. What can you learn from the mistake? What can you learn from the shortfall?
You know, I think it’s even OK to use the ‘f’ word — failure. Yes. It’s OK to use it. The problem is that people identify with it.
In the last 12 months, a lot of people would have lost money investing in the stock exchange. It’s not the first downturn in the markets. There was the GFC, the Asian Crisis, Black Monday in the 80s, Oil shock of the ’70s. It goes all the way back to the Tulip bubble in the 1700s. And there will be downturns in the future.
You lost money in the stock exchange by investing in the wrong stock. Doesn’t make you a failure, worthless, or a loser.
With the loss in the stock exchange, what did you learn? Where did you go wrong? What can you do differently next time? Learn the lessons and how you will do it differently.
This applies to other setbacks or failures in your life. What can you learn from it and what changes can you make going forward? The next step is to take action straight away. It can be simple or easy. Take any action. And the next one. And the next one. This builds momentum.
Using the stock market example, your action after learning the lessons is to buy books to educate yourself. The next action is to read one and apply the lessons and the next one… Do you get the picture?
Re-frame
Changing labels is where instead of calling something one thing, you call it another.
There are two types of people who ride the roller coaster. Those who love it and those who are scared of it. Excitement and fear are felt in the gut. You get butterflies in your stomach either way.
You can choose to call it being scared or being excited. It is up to you.
I’m not saying to ignore your feelings. Your body can provide you feedback that your mind hasn’t processed yet. Sometimes, in order to protect you, it provides incorrect feedback.
Changing the label of how you see things and feel can help you re-frame your approach. Instead of labeling the feeling that “I am nervous”, label it as “I am excited”. Then start using your self-talk to reinforce the new label.
Self-Talk
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Victor Frankl
We talk to ourselves all the time. Most of the time we talk crap about ourselves. If we spoke to our friends the way we speak to ourselves, we wouldn’t have many friends.
You might talk about yourself in the first person, the second, or even the third. Some of us talk to ourselves visually. Meaning we imagine what we say or do like a scene in a movie.
Being aware of how we speak to ourselves is the first step. This can be the hardest part. We are so caught up in the day-to-day and in our own thoughts that we get lost in it.
This is where journaling and meditation help. It builds awareness and helps create the space that Victor Frankl speaks of. It takes practice and persistence.
Once you have created the awareness, the next step is changing your self-talk. Try replacing the words that you use. For example, when you get butterflies in your stomach, instead of saying “I’m worried” say “I’m excited” with emotion and body language. Say it like you mean it.
With this newfound awareness, choose your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Again it takes practice. This is a new muscle that you’re building. Don’t get disheartened. Try it each day and reflect back in your journal at the end of the day.
One wild and Precious Life
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?” Mary Oliver
We have this one life. We have people depending on us. It’s not too late to change yours for the better. It’s not too late to make a difference.
You don’t have to change the world. Just yourself and then start making a difference in your life and those around you.
This skill of re-framing your perspective and your self-talk will take you down this road to making a difference in all that you do.
Try it and see. What else have you go to lose?
Actions
Changing behavior and habits take time and effort. Here are actions to take to help with the change.
Choose one “bad” event that has occurred in your life. Re-frame that event. What did you learn? What was good about that event? What could have you done differently?
When something happens to you, don’t be quick to label it “good” or “bad”. Choose what you can think, feel and do.
Start a meditation practice. Plenty of apps and youtube videos out there to help you. This helps to create space.
Start a journaling practice. Helps reflection and self-analysis.
Change your self talk — replace a word in your self talk, choose a different emotion to describe how you feel, choose a positive way of describing things.
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